At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
