We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
