it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it because I queefed?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
