Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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