No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
