as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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