Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
