He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
