Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
