They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
