In the future we'll all be gay
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Rumble strips road head = magical
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
