Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
