he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
