Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
