I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
