he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
