Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
