The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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