so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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