He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
