evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
