Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
