My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
