Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
