So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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