This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
there is puke in my bra ... again
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