alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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