What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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