If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
