it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
