i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
