I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
