I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
