I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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