Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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