Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
