Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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