I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
