I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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