Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
