so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
