Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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