Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He keeps bees of course he's weird
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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