i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
