Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
