I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
