I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Soap is not a condiment
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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