I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
