i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
