i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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