it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
