is your mom at the bar?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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