So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
